Grieving?

I'm sitting here bored out of my mind, can't find anything in particular that I'd like to watch on TV, boys are in bed and I've got nothing to do. I figured now is as good a time as any other for a new post.

Zachary is going to be 3 years old on the 10th of this month. I was feeling nostalgic yesterday and decided to look through my photobucket pictures and find ones of him from the past few years. They were so wonderful to look at, and to see how much he's grown and changed in these fast moving years. While looking at them I started to feel a bit sad and guilty too. I wonder what he will be like as an adult considering what he's dealing with now, will he be able to lead a normal life? Will he have the social abilities to make friends, date and hopefully get married? The guilt because I wonder if I should have pushed to have tubes put in his ears earlier so it wouldn't have affected his speech development so much. Should I and could I have noticed differences in him earlier? Should I have breast fed him longer, should I have spent more time holding him? By the time I was ready to go to bed, I couldn't sleep, I was longing for him to lay next to me so I could cuddle him and just hold on to him in order to allay all my fears and concerns. Then as if he heard my thoughts, I hear him rustling through the hallway and see him climbing over Scott and then he plops down next to me and makes me wrap my arms around him. I knew at that time that all will work out as it is supposed to, I just need to put my faith in God and know that he has a plan for Zachary and for all of us.